[FM] looking for songs

[MFDELANEY@aol.com]

Here's three of my songs. The last two are from a guy's perspective. The 
first from a women's, but not really a relationship song. 

Enjoy.

Good luck,

Mike Delaney

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THE MAMMOGRAM SONG
(with a Calypso beat)
Mike Delaney, 4/2000


A mammogram is simple 
A mammogram is fun
A little bit of squeezing
And then you're quickly done

A mammogram every year
Whether you like it or not
If you are over forty
Need to care for what you've got

Chorus:
Mammogram
Thank you, M'am
I like my boobs nicely pressed
I can't cram
For my breast exam
So put my boobs to the test

The big machine is waiting
Come now--don't be shy
You owe it to your family
Your health is the reason why

You may be big and buxom
You may be small and pert
It really doesn't matter
Just open up your shirt

Chorus

Women over forty
Once a year will do
A mammogram is easy
And your hooters will thank you

The plexiglass is ready
You step up with poise and flair
You're ready for a pressing
So you'll have a flattering pair

Chorus

---
HALF OF MY BRAIN 
Mike Delaney, 12/2000

There was this scientific study
Just heard it on the news
They had rats and electrodes
It had the female reported enthused

The conclusions were quite serious
I didn't hear anyone laugh
She said 
Women hear with both sides of their brains
But men only listen with half

Chorus:
Half of my brain is to listen
The other half is to think
I may appear to be missin'
Things that go by in a wink
But I get every word
That needs to be heard
Without a hitch or a kink
'Cause half of my brain is to listen
The other half is to think

I may appear to be sleeping
At night watching TV
But don't take the clicker
And change the channel on me

Don't put on a chick flick
You know they drive me insane
'Cause you see, hon, I pay close attention
But only with half of my brain

Chorus

You may think you are hot stuff
You may look pretty in pink
But I've forgotten
More than you'll every know
Now, Babe, go fetch me a drink

You may be outta sight
You may think you're from Venus
But let me tell you, firm and pointedly
That I'm the one with the penis

Bridge:
I'm sorry if I offended
You shouldn't listen so close
But you put me on the defensive
And half of my brain is verbose

Chorus


--------------------
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
(to the tune of "You've got your troubles, I've got mine"
by The Fortunes
Mike Delaney, 4/2000

When mom got married
She took--his name
He's got his name
She does too--ooo

There was no choice
There was--no thought
Getting his name
Was what she go--ot

Chorus:
What's in a name we often say
You turn around love's gone away
Sharing one name was the way
But it's not enough to make me stay--ay

When I got married
We hy--phenated
I got her name
As well as mi--ine

We shared our names
But not--our thoughts
Didn't share enough
Love was forgo--ot

Chorus

Now I'm remarried
But it--won't last
So you keep your name
And I'll keep mi--ine

Why change our names
If we're--not sure
A name can't make
Our love endu--ure

Mom married Dad
But he ran--away
I got a wife
But she didn't sta--ay

Sticks and stones
May break--our bones
But names can't
Make a ho--ome

Chorus


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