[FM] My Top Ten List ...

[Bob Bennett]

Hello all ... I'm a serious lurker and once-in-a-great-while post-er 
here.  I thought I'd send this along for fun.  Something I worked on one 
day when the songs wouldn't come.  It's not serious and I hope you're not 
either as you read it.

Bob Bennett's Top "Ten" Nuggets 'O' Folk Wisdom

10) If you're stuck in a hotel that has the word SUPER, BUDGET, BEST or a 
number less than 10 in the name ... trust me, carry a set of tongs to 
remove the bedspread and blanket from the bed and towel off with your own 
dirty laundry.

9) You can gauge whether or not you're working enough by the amount of 
hotel soap you have at home. If you're actually considering buying a full 
size bar out of necessity, then you simply need more gigs.

8) You're playing in a church and it comes to settlement time after the 
concert. If the concert sponsor slightly hangs his/her head and addresses 
you as "Brother" or "Sister", you're screwed!

7) If you and the concert sponsor have every conceivable contact number for 
each other, nothing will go wrong. If you don't, it is an immutable law of 
the Universe that something has to go wrong and, in the absence of one 
crucial piece of information, there won't be anything you can do about it!

6) If you often find yourself quoting your own song lyrics in conversations 
to make a point, you need to immediately begin introducing your ego as a 
second and separate entity.

5) The promoter's secret to successfully motivating a musician to go that 
extra mile in concert is the timely delivery (at hotel or venue) of a 
fruit/snack basket. Anything free, edible and reasonably tasty will drop an 
artist's defenses faster than the empty promise of a big time record contract.

4) Attempting a false edginess or relevancy is a recipe for certain doom, 
especially with a prison audience ("When it gets right down to it, aren't 
we _all_ really in prison?", "I'm really glad you're all here tonight.") 
... and, not coincidentally, this is also true with teenagers ("You know, I 
remember when I was your age..."). When you attempt this sort of nonsense, 
they'll hate you and you'll deserve every bit of it.

3) You will never, ever be as good or crafty or insane with alternate 
tunings and capos as David Wilcox, so just accept it and be grateful the 
guy's not omnipresent. If he can't be everywhere at once, the rest of us 
can still have jobs!

2) Whenever tempted toward ingratitude and dissatisfaction with a life in 
music, begin chanting over and over and over the ancient mantra  "Would you 
like fries with that?, Would you like fries with that?". The bad feelings 
will soon be supplanted by a keen awareness of the likely result of a rash 
retirement.

And, of course, I'm actively soliciting your suggestion(s) on the remaining 
slot. Discuss!

Best regards, Bob Bennett


--
<mailto:bob@bob-bennett.com>BOB BENNETT
"To be held in the heart of a friend
is to be a king." -- Bruce Cockburn

THE NEW CD IS OUT: THE VIEW FROM HERE
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